It's All In Your Head

Thursday, July 24, 2014


My parents tell me that I was a really healthy child. (Go back and read that with emphasis on the word "tell.") I have trouble believing that because as an adult, I am the equivalent of the sickliest little baby in the NICU.

Don't start saying "awww," or tell me how sad it is. It's not. Because it's all my fault. 

Here's how: 
My parents have always subscribed to the belief that the thoughts and vibes you put into the Universe will be what you ultimately receive. This has nothing to do with Karma, and everything to do with the fact that when you have pathetic thoughts, you're going to end up living a pathetic life.

So, having grown up with that kind of ideal being told to me day in and day out, I clearly did exactly the opposite. Every day was "woe is me," "look at me...everyone else is so perfect and healthy," "I hate my body." So guess what? My body started failing on me. 

I have already had pneumonia five--possibly six--times in my life, and I've had a chronic cough for the past six months. I have asthma. I have early onset arthritis (I know, right.) I have tendon and ligament problems ... and I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting.

Combining my negativity with common life stresses, and I have provided the perfect emotional petri dish for myself to become horribly sick. 

Having all of this happen has really kicked my ass into gear, and I've realized that my negativity really has perpetuated my illnesses both now and in the past. So I'm making a conscious decision--and making myself accountable to any and all people that are reading this--to be positive and heal myself from within.

I've had a bucket load of emotional hardship in my life, but I can't let that slowly kill me anymore. Just two days ago, I told all of you how I am strong and successful, so I will just allow this to be one more way that I can apply that consciousness to my life.

Right, so I, Aiyana Sharai, promise that from this point forward, I will be positive about my health. I will not allow the words of my subconscious, nor the words of others, to undermine my positivity towards my physical, mental and emotional health ... erm, Amen?

I want all of you to be positive too.

xoxo darlings,

Clementine

Compulsory Introductions

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Well, hi.

My name is Aiyana, but I used to be known as Clementine.
I'm 20 years old and just doing whatever the hell makes me happy.

The life that I call mine is made up of a lot of things, but I'm mostly just venturing to live out as many of my numerous dreams as I can while trying to maintain sanity in a very insane world.

I am a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse, and that has pretty much been the engine that drives me to be better, smarter and more successful. At 19 I dropped out of school after only three semesters, but don't write me off just yet.

In the absence from university, I have flourished. With the secret of my abuse finally having seen the light of day, I was free to explore who I wanted to be and not bound to the personality that I had formed as a protective shell. Within and without the exploration I found the strength in myself to go after my goals, and I landed myself an internship that would ultimately redirect and shape my future; this job being at a newspaper.

Before you get the idea in your mind that I was the mailroom wench, stop and let me tell you about my year and a half long foray into being a journalist. Complete with a byline and assignments that ran the gamut from murders to centennial birthday parties and everything in between.

Being shoved into situations that tested my mental stability--you try knocking on a murderer's door because your editor gave you the wrong address--and also exercised my ability to stay awake at a 7 a.m. press conference truly forced me to reexamine what was important and what I really wanted to do with my life.

By the middle of my tenure at the paper, I was given somewhat of a lateral promotion--basically being paid the same for a slightly more strenuous position--and was suddenly thrust to do the job of one of the other interns as morning blogger. I was the first person in the office, trusted to publish to the online edition without an editor's approval, on top of being depended upon to keep all of the paper's social media running smoothly.

When my internship ended I began to explore more of what I could do with the skills that I had acquired and realized that social media was something that I was pretty good at working with on a large scale, so why not pursue it? I proposed this idea to my father and asked if I could test my skill with his company.

Stop while you're ahead. Yes. I abused the dirty n-word that is nepotism, but I think the fact that I've grown his businesses' online following by close to 200% speaks volumes of what I can do. Now his company isn't my only client.

The path that my life was on has veered drastically. Thanks, in part, to the tragedy that no longer defines me. My definition of self has been rocked to the core, my world has been altered and success is no longer a dream, but a state of mind.

This blog is just a place for me to dabble into the occasionally strange things that I think about, love, strive for and ultimately achieve.

Once we've gotten to know each other a little better, I'll let you in a little bit more.

xoxo darlings,

Clementine

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