Golden Child

Saturday, July 26, 2014

For years I have been the glue that holds my family together.
I am the "golden child."

Don't confuse this arduous position with being the prodigal child who is just built perfectly. No, it is quite the opposite. Being what my therapist calls the golden child is a self assumed position where one forces themself to adopt a falsified pristine personality to protect the failures of their charges.

My goal in life was always to be what I thought was perfect so that even if the people that I cared for messed up, I could uphold the average.

This whole process ate away at me over the years, with people aging and making mistakes or decisions that I didn't deem appropriate the job became harder and harder. Though some part of my inner psyche knew that it was high risk/no reward, I still thought that maybe just maybe my actions would rub off on my loved ones.

What it ultimately did was break me.

There was no last straw that broke the metaphorical camel's back, it was just a slow process of more and more weight being added until my drive was close to full suffocation.

The response from this was far from what I thought it would be. Initially it seemed like everyone would just adapt and it would all be okay, and while some of the people around me instantly altered their sense of relationship with me, one in particular couldn't and still cannot handle it.

But in healing from my need to be the glue for everyone else, I now see that it isn't my place to fix my family or anyone else that comes into my life, even when I see it as my responsibility for their discord.

Being the golden child has showed me when and where it's appropriate to help others to be strong.

If you are the golden child, find peace in the fact that the only person that you are responsible to take care of is yourself, and in trying to fix others, you disregard your own needs. Be selfish sometimes, because it's not worth it to be ill and weak just for the sake of those around you.

xoxo darlings,


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